Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Bad Jobs: Army Infantry

In my previous post I explained about my (almost) foolproof plan to get a job when I'm all grown up. This post is mainly focused on the jobs I definitely don't want to sign up for. (unless there's no other job to sign up for) One of them is the army. If any of you reading this post doesn't know the dangers of enlisting in the army, let me explain: War is not like a game of Call of Duty. The difference between a first-person shooter video game and a real-time, deadly experience in the battlefield is as follows:
Game: Everytime your video game character dies, you can always choose to respawn either from your spawn point (in multiplayer) or from your last checkpoint. (in a singleplayer mission)
Real life: Everytime you die, you'll wake up playing a golden harp.
Game: Choose the difficulty yourself: Private, Commander or General.
Real life: Your superiors choose the mission AND the difficulty for you.

And the most frightening thing in the battlefield:
Deadly Surprises
Game:  You can die multiple times, so when you encounter an unexpected enemy monster (big bad tank, snipers, artillery strikes, land mines, etc) you can easily anticipate the enemy's next surprise attack after you respawn.
Real life: You need to stay alert. If a big fat vehicle equipped with a cannon and a machine gun rampages out of a building, you'd better hope it doesn't see you, or you're as good as dead. Its wild cannon can turn you into worm food with a single pull of its trigger, while the machine gun can mow multiple soldiers down faster than a kid stomping on ants. If you didn't know a team of hostile snipers were in the same area as you were cluelessly wandering, they would put a bullet in your head and that's it. But out of all these deadly surprises, I hate surprises that make you die before you even know it, such as land mines, which can be accidentally stepped on while cautiously trudging through the fight. Artillery strikes and mortar team assaults are particularly nasty, since at the time of the sudden bombing you might be admiring your survival a few seconds before the whole area you're in goes boom boom pow.

Obviously you already know how much I hate being in the infantry. If you're wondering why I don't hate being in the army, just the infantry, it's because these standard, low-armored, under-armed, typical ground units are dispatched with ease. There are lots of other places in the army I'd rather be than the infantry, such as the general (I get to watch the battle in a Real-Time-Strategy camera view) or a vehicle driver (unless in a tank, where I'll DEFINITELY be the tank's gunner, with the sweet cannon and the big guns. I won't be in a vehicle with less protection than a tank, like a truck. Too risky to be either the driver or gunner) or even an aircraft pilot. (the only downside is that being a pilot takes truckloads of flying practice, and if I actually FLY the plane in battle, it's easy for me to be taken down, but at least it's better than infantry)

So that's why if I had a job, I wouldn't want to be part of the land troops if I could be something else. I hope that this post can be used to help prevent other young souls commiting suicide in the army when they grow up to get a decent job.
Awesome, isn't it? Well, you're the ground troops, not the tank. (Sorry)

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